“I’m in the camp of if it’s not a resounding ‘I want this with my entire heart and soul’ yes, then it’s a no,” said Reddit user u/puppy_aita. “I think kids are cool and wonderful and major sources of joy in life. Do I want to be responsible for raising one? Nope.”
Yes, the issue here is about having kids with a wife wanting to become a mother and a husband who is already content in being a fur dad.
Reddit user u/puppy_aita started his post on the Am I The A**hole forum with a revelation that he and his wife, before tying the knot, had agreed not to have any kids. Also, prior to their engagement, OP and his best friend, with whom he had lived for almost 10 years, had adopted a couple of dogs, making him a fulfilled co-parent.
But his marriage started to feel the strain after his sister-in-law gave birth. While looking at a picture of their infant niece, his wife suddenly remarked that they would be happier if they had a kid of their own.
OP was flabbergasted!
“I’m already the co-parent of two babies, and I don’t have room for any more,” he told his wife.
His wife naturally got furious with him and accused OP of taking the matter of parenthood lightly. But OP insisted that he never plans to have kids. Period.
Is he an a–hole?
Indeed, it is also natural that the AITA community feels divided over the issue. One camp sympathizes with the husband who has been truthful from the very beginning about not wanting children, while the other pities the wife who will never experience the joy of motherhood.
One Reddit user who understands both husband and wife wrote, “I think it is completely normal to see someone with a teeny tiny baby and think, ‘dang, I’d like to have one of those’ *heart eyes* I think you definitely need to broach the subject again and have a conversation, but someone getting baby fever for a little bit is not the same as them definitely and seriously wanting one. It seems to me like she might just want to have the conversation again and feel heard and validated in her baby fever. (Not to suggest AT ALL that you need to reconsider or feel pressure. If she IS super serious, then the relationship won’t work obviously)”.
While another individual commented, “Uhh, what? It sounds like your wife wants to have a conversation about potentially having children. If that’s never going to happen with you, that’s fine. But why would you not respond with ‘are you thinking seriously about having children?’ instead of completely dismissing the conversation? If she’s changed her mind and wants kids, that deserved more of a conversation about the future of your relationship beyond ‘lol I’m a dog dad, that’s all for me’ and then ending the conversation.”
Another commenter, who considered OP as YTA (you’re the a**hole), did also criticize him for the way he dismissed his wife’s effort to have a serious conversation, “N T A for not wanting to have kids, but YTA for writing off your wife when clearly she’s in a different headspace and did want to have a serious discussion. I get that you didn’t realize that right away, but after she got upset and it was clear she was interested in having a serious discussion. I am NOT saying you need to change your mind, but you need to be open to the fact that your wife can change her mind and this would be something you need to have some very serious conversations about (that you can’t just dismiss), because it may result in your marriage not being a thing anymore if you aren’t on the same page about this.”
And the argument goes on, but clearly, no matter what the issue, a married couple must discuss things like this with respect for each other. There may have been a previous agreement, but some people experience a change of mind over time. And it is not a personality flaw, just as a wise saying goes: “change is the only constant in life.”Whizzco