“Just Let Her Boyfriend Do His Worst”: Woman Told by Redditors Not to Shield Her BFF from Hurt

To tell or not to tell.

It’s a dilemma that many true friends experience, weighing between love for their friends and a sense of ethics.

Sure, the truth they have found out could possibly jeopardize their friends’ future. But is it not the right of their friends to decide the kind of future they want to have?

Many Reddit commenters blasted this Original Poster for wanting to tell her best friend the truth about her boyfriend and his selfish plan. But there were also those who understood her dilemma and were also very concerned about what might happen to her BFF.

True, there are situations about which we can caution our friends, such as a tsunami warning, a new and deadlier COVID variant, online scammers, or some suspicious characters loitering in the parking area of your town’s mall. But when it comes to personal relationships, it’s often best to give advice only when it’s sought.

Also, you should be ready emotionally just in case your advice doesn’t get followed after it’s sought. Mankind’s history is marked with countless tragedies from wrong decisions made after receiving and rejecting the best advice from people who have loved and cared the most.

The following viral post was shared by this deeply-worried friend under the handle u/Throwaway1728364 in Reddit’s popular r/AmItheA–hole forum. Yes, she was lambasted for “caring too much,” but the thing is she didn’t violate any ethics; that’s why you can consider some of the comments unfair. Also, OP admitted that she shared this story because she wanted helpful opinions since she was aware that she was being emotional at the time of writing and she was hoping that there were people who could see the situation objectively for her.

Here’s the post: “My (27f) best friend has been dating her boyfriend (26m) for over five years. A while back, he reached out to me to help figure out her ring size and the setup so he could make this the most magical day for her. Having known my friend for over 20+ years, I know exactly how she wants her proposal to go and who she wants to be there, so I relayed all this information to him months ago via texts and over the phone. I even took the time to covertly find and confirm which ring she would love the most.”

For a bit of a background on her best friend, OP wrote that she’s an “incredibly family- and friend-oriented” person. However, she has also shared with OP how, in the five years she has been with her boyfriend, he has never tried to bond with her family and friends the way she’s done with his.

According to OP, she does like the guy, but she could observe that he was extremely self-serving and self-centered.

OP continued her post with the following details: “Recently, through a mutual friend, I found out he started a group text between his (emphasis on HIS) friends and his family to set up the time and date of the proposal. He has not only excluded myself (and, according to the screenshots I’ve seen, he is doing everything VERBATIM I suggested he do) but he has completely excluded her family and other close friends from the event. He is planning on only having his ‘boys’ and family present for the occasion.”

Learning about it, OP felt certain that it would break her best friend’s heart. She wanted her family and friends to be part of such a special day in her life. Also, her best friend had told her before that if her boyfriend ever desired to propose marriage to her, she would like him to ask her parents’ permission first. And so, in anger, OP called up the selfish boyfriend.

However, he answered her back “this is my proposal, and I’ve spent enough time and money to choose how I do it. Just be happy for your friend. It’s not like you’re not coming to the wedding.”

Of course, OP grew even more furious. Just then, she ran into her BFF’s parents, and jokingly she asked them if they knew of her possibly getting engaged. But they said no. OP was deeply distressed.

Now, OP feels caught between shielding her BFF from committing the biggest mistake of her life and letting her take the plunge. She was certain that the upcoming proposal would crush her friend, especially considering that the venue was only a half-hour drive from her parents’ house. And yet, none of her BFF’s loved ones would be there.

But is revealing the truth the right thing to do? Does she have the right to meddle in someone else’s plan for a marriage proposal?

Despite the many YTA comments she got, OP wisely read the feedback and wrote in an edit: “The proposal is scheduled for this weekend; I will give you guys an update on how it goes. After so many responses, I have decided not to say anything and to let things play out. I gave him an opportunity by expressing the need to invite her parents and friends like she’s always wanted, and he chose not to – that’s on him, not me!”