Is This Woman a Jerk for Refusing to Give Up Her Bed for Her Boyfriend’s Sick Child?

Reddit users are debating over this viral post by a woman whose boyfriend is having thoughts about their relationship after an incident involving his sick child.

Her boyfriend feels that she will not be a good mother to his three kids, aged 12, 7, and 5 years old. This in spite of the fact that the woman had tried her best to help his family after a wildfire broke out near their home and accommodated them all in her apartment.

Using the name u/aitagiveupbed, this woman posted on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum about the details. She said that during the evacuation, her boyfriend had to be in the hospital to attend to treatments of his eldest daughter, who has health problems. What she did was take his two other kids and their nanny to her home.

There, she reserved a guest room for the kids and the nanny with two bunkbeds. When her boyfriend arrived with his sick child sleeping in his arms, OP told her about the room she prepared for his kids, along with their nanny.

But her boyfriend was deeply concerned that her siblings would wake up his sick daughter, and so he suggested using OP’s bed for her.

OP continued her post with the following details: “I asked if he meant only for a few hours, and he said no, the whole night. I asked where we were supposed to sleep, and he said we can sleep on the pull out couch. I said I wasn’t giving up my room so his 12 year old can have her own room and he left with the kids and nanny.”

Later, her boyfriend told her that he had to rethink their relationship.

Then, in her latest update, OP said her boyfriend decided to break up with her, and this was due to the fact that she “‘made it clear that I don’t like or respect the kids’ and it’s not fair to them for him to stay in a relationship with me.”

What do the members of the AITA community think?

“Do you graciously opened your home to five extra people at a moments notice, providing a bed to everyone but if you didn’t give up yours it wasn’t enough? I realize the oldest was sick but the other children did not have to be in the bedroom if they were not sleeping and there was a nanny there to ensure they were kept away from the older child. To me, it looks like a glimpse into your future where you will be expected to sacrifice anything he feels his children should be entitled to regardless whether it is your private property or not. JMHO NTA,” said one commenter.

“I disagree, she had offered reasonable accommodations, everyone had a bed to sleep in. Not having lived with the child, she may not get the true extent of how Dad takes care of the issue & wasn’t expecting need for a separate room. Not unreasonable on anyone’s part. He wasn’t comfortable with offered accommodations so he made other arrangements. Good on Dad. No shade to OP for having boundaries. So they aren’t compatible, doesn’t make either wrong. NTA,” remarked another person.

“This was my thought. I lean towards NAH but agree with the boyfriend that someone who isn’t willing to put their child’s health ahead of their comfort it’s probably not a great match. I wish more single parents would have higher standards for the people they date and bring into their children’s lives,” added another Reddit user.

But an AITA member disagreed with those who chose to side with OP, saying, “People keep responding like she opened her Airbnb for no charge. Indeed, she didn’t have to offer at all. And it’s true that she didn’t have to give up her bed. It’s also intensely reasonable that a father will request special accommodations for a seriously sick child. She had every right to say no. She did. She’s not an ah for doing that. She’s also probably not a good match for this man who has 3 children – 1 of whom is very sick. So he’s reevaluating the relationship-as he should. She didn’t do anything heroic here.”

This was supported by another individual: “I’m a father, and if I know one of my kids would require special accommodations I would ensure to meet that requirements but if someone else isn’t willing to go that far for my kid and those requirements are not met than I need to look elsewhere. His priorities is his kids, nothing wrong with that.”

This Reddit user offered his support: “It’s good parenting. It’s not like he asked for no reason or had plain that to be the set up. or was demanding his special princess is treated differently for just being her. Op doesn’t say what the kid has.. for all we know she just left chemotherapy.”

One of those who understand the condition of the sick girl also commented, “Yeah I agree. Ordinarily I’m very critical of spoiling kids, but this girl had just gotten out of the hospital. I would have given up my bed for one night for any guest who had just gotten out of the hospital, not because it’s a child but because it’s the decent thing to do.”