What’s in a Wedding Dress? Woman Doesn’t Want to Lend to Sister Her Most Memorable Gift from Mom
My Mother kept a garden,
A garden of the heart.
She planted all the good things
That gave my life its start.
She turned me to the sunshine
And encouraged me to dream.
Fostering and nurturing
The seeds of self-esteem.
And when the winds and rain came,
She protected me enough.
But not too much because she knew
I’d need to stand up strong and tough.
Her constant good example
Always taught me right from wrong.
Markers for my pathway
That will last a lifetime long.
I am my Mother’s garden.
I am her legacy.
And I hope today she feels the love
Reflected back from me. – Anonymous
It’s heartbreaking to lose a loving mom, and these three sisters still can’t help missing her after all these years.
For this Original Poster with the username u/TAMotherDress, her most memorable gift from their mother was her wedding dress. Her mom made it with her own loving hands when OP got married 7 years ago.
Actually, their mother also made a wedding dress for their older sister when she tied the knot two years before OP. What made each wedding dress unique were the floral details that their mom put on them based on their names that were inspired by flowers.
However, their youngest sister doesn’t have this kind of gift from their mother since it’s just now she and her fiance are planning their wedding. And that’s where her conflict with her sister began.
According to OP, who posted her story on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum, “My mom made my wedding dress, and she also did the same for my older sister at her wedding 9 years ago. Sadly, my mother passed away 3 years ago from cancer. My younger sister Jess (27F) is currently engaged, and her wedding will be in 1 year. We recently met for coffee, and she commented that she always wanted our mother to make her dress, but at the time she wasn’t even with her current fiancé, and now she can’t anymore.”
Then, halfway through the conversation, her sister asked OP if she still has her wedding dress and if she could borrow it. She told OP that she would also like to wear something that was made by their mom.
OP wrote, “I was a little disconcerted and asked if it could be our sister’s dress (she already borrowed it to someone else), as I was very attached to the wedding dress. She said she didn’t want hers, because it wasn’t white (pastel pink) and my body and hers were more similar. I said I didn’t want to, because even though we have similar bodies, it would need adjustment in the breasts and hips area. I don’t want to ‘modify’ the dress. But I could borrow her the veil so she can have something from our mother.”
However, her sister insisted that it wouldn’t hurt OP to lend her the wedding dress. She was sure that whatever adjustments that must be made would be minimal. She lamented that, among the three of them, she’s the only one who won’t be wearing a wedding dress made by their own mother. With that, she repeatedly begged OP to lend her the dress for her wedding.
But OP was firm on her decision, continuing her post with the following details: “I feel bad for her, but I really don’t want to modify something in the dress, because it’s a memory of my mom and one of the best days of my life; it was just for me. In the face of all this, I don’t feel comfortable borrowing the dress, but I could make the concession of the veil.”
Then, according to OP, her sister went away crying, accusing her of being selfish. Later, her father, in-laws, and sister’s fiancé reacted with anger and disappointment as well. It’s only their oldest sister who chooses not to take sides.
Was she really unfair to their youngest sister?
The AITA community did not find any a-holes in this post. They could understand OP while sympathizing with her sister’s sentiments too. What a wonderful mom they must have, since each of them hangs on tight to her memories.
Everyone expressed their support for OP, just like this Reddit user named fourteenlilaclane, “NAH. I’m so sorry for both of you. She’s right that it isn’t fair that she won’t get a dress, but you would be losing yours. I think the veil is a good compromise if your mother made that as well.”
A piece of friendly advice from opinionswelcomehere says, “I was going to ask this: are there any accessories associated with mom? A necklace, a ring? I don’t think your sister was an AH to ask, and I don’t think you’re an AH to say no, so I agree with NAH, but I do think it’s a no-win situation.”
Meanwhile, Miserable_Tangelo_52 also had a wonderful idea, “I agree with NAH. I would like to make a suggestion for you, OP! Could you and your older sister maybe get together and have a dress made for your younger sister’s wedding? Get the flower details you mentioned, and have it made to her liking. It might not be plausible, as it could be pretty pricey. It also wouldn’t be exactly the same since it didn’t come from your mom. But maybe if it was a gift from both of you, and you lend her your veil, plus your older sister loans her an accessory she wore in her wedding, it might be almost as good. It could be your guys’s gift to her. I’m sorry for the loss of your mother, and I wish all three of you lovely ladies the best no matter what happens next.”
