Whenever a new milestone is achieved, a person’s initial reaction is to tell the news to their family. No matter what happens, family members should be there to celebrate the victory with them. However, not all families are built like that — sometimes they take away the joy from important celebrations. You have the choice to exclude your parents, siblings, relatives, or friends from your happiness. If they have done you wrong or traumatized you in some way, then no one’s going to give you a side eye for cutting them off. Even family members are not exempted from your boundaries, especially when they immensely disturb your inner peace. Failing to respect you is never alright — celebrate your victories only with those who deserve to be there.
A lot of people are now breaking generational trauma, even if it means losing connection with their families. Take it from Apprehensive-Clerk89 — she intentionally uninvited her family, especially her father, from attending her graduation ceremony. The Redditor had all the rights to do so, which she explained in her lengthy post. OP had a falling out with her dad, and hasn’t talked to him for a year. Their recent interaction happened after her brother informed the family that OP only invited her boyfriend and his mother.
Apprehensive-Clerk89’s family issues started when her father got disappointed when she did not graduate within two years. However, it was a difficult plan to follow because OP ended up financially supporting herself. “The thing is that in order to graduate in two years, I would have to take 18 credit hours a semester and take full-time classes in the summer. This was the plan I had in mind when I thought I would be receiving help from my dad (I worked a lot in high school, and he made me deposit half of every paycheck into a savings account with the promise that when I started university, he would match my contributions and essentially double my savings for school),” OP wrote.
Unfortunately, her dad lost his job, which pushed him to use OP’s supposed college fund for the family. Without receiving financial support from her father, she had to work full-time to pay the bills. Due to a schedule conflict, OP couldn’t stick to her class load, which delayed her initial plan. “I guess my dad thought I would still be graduating in two years, so when the time came around, I told him that I still had one year left. He blew up at me and claimed that I was behind in school because I was more focused on “all my boyfriends instead of my degree” (he’s never met my boyfriend because he doesn’t want to, but I’ve only had one, and I’ve been with him for the two years that I’ve been at school),” Apprehensive-Clerk89 explained.
Due to her father’s outburst, OP could not help but release all her pent-up frustrations. She told her father that the reason the plan got delayed was that she wasn’t receiving any support from the family. Instead of admitting that it was his fault, the father chose to gaslight her, saying that it was OP’s responsibility alone since she chose to attend a university. “I said he’s right, and because I pay all my bills and I do all my class work, only I have a say in when I’m going to graduate. He took this as me being disrespectful, and we haven’t spoken since,” OP said. Since then, she has had fewer interactions with the family to further avoid unnecessary drama. She had to protect her inner peace after being cooped up in a family giving her nothing but non-existent support.
OP is now contemplating if she should just skip the graduation ceremony for the sake of a quiet celebration. However, Redditors are against the idea and encouraged her not to skip the graduation ceremony she deserves. “Please do not skip graduation, OP. You deserve it, and if your family does not have tickets, then they will not be there. NTA, and while I can see why your dad used the funds from the savings account, it was wrong all the same. Let your BF and his family cheer you on as you graduate, and forget about the rest. You earned it!” True-Tomatillo-4720 commented. OP received a lot of encouragement under her Reddit post, and hopefully, those messages are enough to change her mind.
Quiet_Nerd_2148 pointed out, “NTA. Your dad should be proud of your accomplishments – working full-time and putting yourself through school. Instead, he’s talking about how you could have done things “better” and criticizing your decisions. Enjoy your graduation day with your bf and his mom.” Indeed! OP endured a lot to stick to her plan even when it got delayed. If financial support is impossible at the moment, emotional support is the greatest thing you could give to a child who reached her dreams independently. Apprehensive-Clerk89’s efforts should not be in vain. After reading the discussion, make sure you leave an inspiring message in the comment section. No one should ever skip a graduation they earned using everything they’ve got.Whizzco