Want a video camera recording almost every moment of your life?
A wife was getting tired of having their indoor camera on all the time. She wanted a decent degree of privacy when she’s alone at home or simply watching tv with her kids.
But her husband has been forbidding it — for reasons she couldn’t fully understand – leading to a behavior from him that appalled her and online commenters when she shared her story on Reddit!
With the username u/GamerCzech, the Original Poster shared the following details with the r/AmItheA–hole community: “About 4 years ago when my husband of 10 + years and I bought our house, we got a security system. Included in the bundle was an indoor-only camera. While I liked the idea of having it monitor for movement when we weren’t home/sleeping, my husband wanted it on all the time, even while we were home. This made me somewhat uncomfortable, but I came around to the idea. We’d use it almost like a baby monitor to check on our 3 and 6 year olds when we were in the bathroom and heard crying or whatever.”
The indoor camera was very useful to them at that time since they were able to find out whenever their youngest child got hurt, monitor the oven when they forgot to turn on the timer, and discover who had been stealing from the cookie jar.
But as time passed by and their kids got old enough, OP felt she needed more privacy. She continued in her post, “One day I’m chilling at home by myself while the kiddos were at school, and I just kinda realized it’s weird to have a camera recording me chilling and watching shows. So I turned it off. I’ve mentioned multiple times that I don’t think we need the cameras on, but in retrospect, I should have had a convo with him before turning it off. This made my husband upset. Now if I turn it off, he turns it back on.”
OP admitted that they had numerous discussions about it, and she even reasoned that monitoring their kids to prove their honesty was not good parenting. But her husband insisted to have the video camera on 24/7. And so, the battle was on, with her turning the video off and her husband turning it on whenever he caught her.
Finally, he told OP that she was not respecting him as head of their family. And after the constant turning off and on, her husband removed her name from the account so she could no longer turn off the video camera.
OP’s reaction? “I feel like it’s weird and controlling. But I don’t have any other good reason for not wanting it on. He wants to still use it to monitor the kids and use to figure out what time something happened. Sometimes he’ll use it for things like helping the kids figure out where they put their book when they got home or something. We live in a pretty safe area and have a doorbell camera too, so I don’t think home invasion while we’re home is his concern (he’s not mentioned that as a reason). His opposition to me turning it off when I’m home alone is that then I don’t turn it back on, so there’s no footage if we ‘need’ to look back.”
Now, who between husband and wife is the jerk?
LoubyAnnoyed voted in favor of OP: “NTA. And you should probably be paying more attention to the massive red flag that is ‘the head of household.’ Those are the words of someone that doesn’t value you as an equal partner in your marriage. Not sure what your work situation is, but the non-paid domestic work of women needs to be recognised and regarded equally with the financial contributions made. 🚩🚩🚩”
And advice from longpas goes, “Also, you may want to just put something over the camera if he can turn it on remotely… like a business card for marriage counseling.”
Meanwhile, according to you-dont-say1330, “Further down in comments, she says he has cheated on her before. I spent 15 years with a man controlling, abusing, and constantly accusing. She needs help.”
ISwearIUsedToBeSmart fully agreed: “There it is. He’s projecting. He’s a cheater, so he wants to monitor her to make sure she’s not cheating. What an AH.”
And tulipz10 had the same suspicion: “He’s probably using the camera to make sure she’s at home so he can be out with whoever and know where wifey is at. He can also see her calling him and what her body language says or how she’s acting. That camera would have an accident in my house.”
Should this wife really trust her husband?Whizzco