Teen to Uncle: What Kind of Dad Are You? You Can’t Even Remember Your Daughter’s Age and Birthday?
“My heart aches, Dad,
For the things you won’t do.
My soul breaks, Dad,
For all that we’ve been through.
I fear it’s too late, Dad,
To mend my broken heart.
I’m so full of hate, Dad,
I don’t know where to start.
You took away my hope, Dad,
That I would ever be loved,
And now I’m left to cope, Dad,
As I watch you love your son.
Please listen to my words, Dad,
For they are all that I can say.
I want you to treat me like I’m yours, Dad,
And not just throw me away.” Excerpted from Last Chance by Stefanie
This story on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum was posted by u/PissedOffDragon, the older cousin of a sixteen-year-old girl who’s been suffering from her dad’s lack of love and attention ever since her mom died. Being close to each other, OP has been feeling his cousin’s pain and finds it difficult to understand how could a parent treat his own child as if she were nothing.
He wrote, “My uncle is neglecting my cousin Lilly (16F). This started about four years ago when his wife died, and since then, he’s been withdrawn. He remarried 2 years ago and is obsessed with his step-children but completely ignores Lilly. I’m 18M and close with Lilly. He just doesn’t care about her; she can be away all day and come back at 3 am, and he wouldn’t notice or care. At this point, he doesn’t know her as a person at all. He forgot her birthday this year, but my sister and I, along with a few of Lilly’s friends, threw a small birthday party for her though.”
No, OP didn’t describe any of Lilly’s feelings about her situation, but it’s obvious that he knows just how wrecked and worthless she’s been feeling. Who would come home at 3 am, if not to rebel? But even that act was ignored by her father.
And it would be easy for OP to observe the difference between his uncle’s treatment of his stepkids and his own daughter. He wouldn’t need to stay with his new family for a month to arrive at a reliable conclusion. It’s easy to discern who’s being loved and who’s not.
Finally, OP was compelled to speak up for his younger cousin. It happened one weekend when his uncle visited their home and was discussing some matters with his mom.
OP continued to say in the post, “During this conversation, he mentioned that Lilly’s 15 and can handle whatever they were talking about. I overheard it and corrected him with ‘Lilly’s 16 as of three weeks ago. You forgot her birthday again just like last year,’ and then he and my mom went quiet. Then he said yeah, he’ll make it up to her, and I continued ‘What kind of father doesn’t even know how old his own child is?'”
That remark made his uncle quiet, but OP’s mom reacted and told him to apologize to his uncle. Instead, OP answered back “For what? For telling the truth?” and he walked out.
Later, he related to Lilly what happened, and when his dad tried to talk to the teenage girl, it didn’t end well. What his uncle did next was call OP’s mom and accused OP of fabricating stories about him and Lilly. OP’s mom grew more furious with him, telling OP that his uncle’s parenting was none of his business. But, in spite of what his mom said, OP believed he did the right thing.
Are adults always right?
The fact is some younger people have more sense and compassion than many members of the older generation. Many adults pretend to have gained wisdom with time, but wisdom is acquired only by people with the humility to accept their mistakes and learn from them. One can live more than a hundred years old but remain foolish.
Here are some of the best comments from the AITA community:
All_That_Hot_mess wrote, “Ah. It sounds like this is an issue within your family. Not just uncle. I’m sorry that Lilly and you, as a concerned cousin, are dealing with this level of apathy and coldness from the adults in your family. I hope you both stick together and carve out lives and relationships in the future that offer you more than it seems your blood family is able to give. Good luck to you both!”
ScarieltheMudmaid likewise shared, “NTA. I would tell your mom that it’s a new world and that, not only can people see past the facades of keeping up appearances, our generation is trying to have healthy families and relationships, even if that means having to cull unhealthy ones.”
Another remark from No-Appearance1145 reads, “My father hasn’t texted me a single time on my birthday since I moved out to my mom’s. Hell, most of the information that is about me comes from his mom or sister, and they are also receiving limited info about my life. I did text him a few times about my unborn child, but I doubt he’ll even remember the due date. He’s too busy screwing around with women my age. I wish I had OP when my father did similar things to me. OP, keep supporting your cousin, and don’t bother arguing with your mother. She doesn’t like that someone finally spoke their mind.”
