Sorry, I’m Not a Nanny: Teenager Criticizes Friend for Kicking Out Her Boyfriend, Who’s a Good Dad
What goes on inside the mind of a new mother is hard to guess, especially if she’s suffering from postpartum depression.
But is this teenager’s friend really experiencing postpartum depression? Or did her friend simply overreact when her boyfriend took their baby to his mother’s house without asking her permission?
According to Mayo Clinic, “Postpartum depression may be mistaken for baby blues at first — but the symptoms are more intense and last longer. These may eventually interfere with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks. Symptoms usually develop within the first few weeks after giving birth. But they may begin earlier — during pregnancy — or later — up to a year after birth.”
Symptoms of postpartum depression may include:
- Severe mood swings or depression
- Too much crying
- Difficulty bonding with baby
- Withdrawal from loved ones and friends
- Lack of appetite or overeating
- Insomnia or oversleeping
- Lack of energy or fatigue
- Loss of interest and pleasure in activities previously enjoyed
- Extreme anger and irritability
- Fear of not being a good mom
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, or worthlessness
- Difficulty in thinking clearly, focusing, or making decisions
- Restlessness
- Panic attacks and severe anxiety
- Thoughts of harming the baby or one’s self
- Recurring thoughts of suicide or death
However, this teenager, who shared this story on Reddit’s r/AmItheA-hole forum, did not observe any of these serious signs in her friend. She was simply behaving like a spoiled brat who wanted all her wishes to be obeyed.
With the username u/plutodevoteee, she revealed the following details: “I (19f) recently got a call from my friend (Jess – 23f) begging me to run to the shop for some baby formula and other food essentials because she was so tired. I agreed. I got her some stuff and dropped it off and offered to care for the baby so she could have a shower and cook some pasta. She was super happy and took me up on my offer. This was at 4:15, and her boyfriend usually gets back from work at 5:30. Jess has her shower and food, and when it hits 5 pm, I ask if she’s going to be ok for half an hour until her boyfriend gets home. She tells me she kicked him out because he went to visit his mother whilst he had the baby, and he hadn’t asked her first.”
OP admitted that she has no kids and doesn’t want to have any in the future, so she doesn’t have any idea about what goes on in the head of a new parent. But knowing how loving and responsible her friend’s boyfriend is, she told her candidly that kicking him out was a foolish decision.
After some uncomfortable moments, her friend asked if OP could take care of her baby the following day. OP replied that she didn’t want to be a substitute parent and that the best thing for her friend to do was to contact her boyfriend and ask him to return. He’s been providing for all the needs of her friend and their baby, which means he’s not only a good partner but a loving dad as well.
But her friend didn’t take her advice well and told OP to leave. Later, she texted her when she would be free next week to look after her baby so she could get her work done. Again, OP told her friend that she loved her but that she was unwilling to do that. She stood by her advice for her friend to mend her relationship with her boyfriend.
But, instead, her friend went to their group chat and badmouthed OP so she could gain the sympathy of their other friends. And these friends accused OP of being an a-hole for refusing to help this new mom.
OP thinks she was right for turning her friend’s request down. She ended her post with these words, “I want to be clear, Jess’ only qualms are that he went to visit his parents when he had the baby and that he didn’t ask her for permission first because she was dead asleep. She admitted he’s a great father who works hard to provide for the family. He’s not a disinterested bum or anything.”
Was she wrong?
The AITA community didn’t think so, and they wanted to test the loyalty of these other friends to see if they would actually commit themselves to baby care just as this unreasonable new mom wanted OP to do.
Fangehulmesteren commented with sympathy, “I’m with you here. She’s majorly overreacted to something reasonable her bf did and then tried to co-opt her friends into childcare. NTA.”
Heavy_Sand5228 also remarked, “Maybe the friends in the group chat can volunteer their time to help Jess since they seem to think OP is an AH for reasonably setting boundaries.”
Additional_State3238 likewise wrote, “Agreed!! I wouldn’t even ‘fight’ whatever was said, just reply that ‘I’m so happy Jess has so many friends willing to step up!’ And see how that rolls. OP, NTA.”
