“Only a dad, but he gives his all
To smooth the way for his children small,
Doing, with courage stern and grim,
The deeds that his father did for him.
This is the line that for him I pen,
Only a dad, but the best of men.”
by Edgar Albert Guest
For this teenager, it does not matter who between the two men he knows very well is his real dad. The dad he’s known since birth divorced his wife for cheating. And then his bio mom married her lover, Tim. After giving up his parental rights when he was a teenager, Tim now comes to coerce the boy and tell him that he’s his real father.
With the username u/Particular_Pin_8705, this teenager shared his story with Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole community, starting his post with the following: “Okay I (15m) have a stepmom Carrie (46f). She has been my stepmom since I was 6. My mom and dad divorced when I was 3 after he caught my mom cheating, my mom then moved in with her affair partner Tim. Tim has always been a huge prick. At first, he seemed nice, but then, after he and my mom got married, he became extremely rude, and he always tried to get me to call him dad even though he knows I hate him. Tim would say things like, ‘I stepped up to take care of you while your deadbeat father stood around and did nothing, so call me dad’ even though my dad had most of the custody and Tim never even did anything to take care of me.”
At 13, OP decided to live permanently with his dad and stepmom to escape the toxicity at his mom’s house. Then, when his dad got sick, they discussed adoption with him in order to protect OP — so that, in case his dad dies, he wouldn’t have to return to his mom and Tim. OP quickly agreed, and the adoption process was facilitated. It hurt quite a bit when his mom signed to give up her parental rights, but OP was still elated about having a normal, happy family.
However, it was not the end of their family trouble. OP wrote, “The conflict comes up though because yesterday Tim showed up at my dad’s house and demanded that I go to my mom’s with him. I told him no and to f-ck off, and he got angry and said, ‘I’m your father, you little c-nt, so get your a-s over here and go back to your real parents’ house.’ By this point, my dad came out and threatened to call the police, so he left. Now Carrie and my dad are getting sh-t from my bio mom’s family on social media for her adopting me. So I wanna know, was I wrong to let Carrie adopt me? Am I the a–hole?”
Whether Tim is his real father or not, this teenager has the fortune of having a dad and stepmom who truly love him. The truth no longer matters. It’s the sinners who must pay for their sins. Not the child who’s finally been freed from a toxic relationship with his bio mom and her lover. Let his bio mom’s family say what they want to say, but in the eyes of the law, Carrie is now his mom, and it’s the best decision that OP has made.
These words from alphaowlboy are poetic in their wisdom: “I want to jump on top comment to say that just because your egg donor is biologically related to you and Carrie isn’t doesn’t make her ANY less your REAL mom. Carrie made you feel safe, respected you, she read you stories when you were a child, she wiped your tears when you cried. Your egg donor didn’t do any of that, because she was too busy with [Tim] to be bothered with you and your feelings and what you needed. And as soon as the opportunity presented itself, and Carrie offered to become your mom legally (she already was in your heart), your egg donor just threw her rights away. She didn’t want you. And you don’t want her. You are NTA for accepting the loving offer of the only true mom you’ve ever known, who had your best interest at heart when she offered to adopt you, knowing that if she didn’t, she legally couldn’t raise you and you would have to go back to your egg donor (which none of you want) if something happens to your dad. You owe your mom and [Tim] NOTHING. Tim was way out of line coming over and speaking to you like that. Ignore him, your egg donor, and all of their flying monkeys and focus on your dad and Carrie. Congratulations on the adoption btw. You deserve a loving mom in your life, and Carrie sounds lovely.”