“There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded.”
Those were among the famous words of Diana, mother of Prince William and Prince Harry.
But in this woman’s case, the third party is her mother-in-law whom her husband is scared of displeasing.
Posted by u/SawnLake117, this wife decided to share her dilemma on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum, “My husband and I (both 30s) purchased a new house together last month. His mom nagged us for a copy of the key, but I refused because in our old home, she kept letting herself in and invading our privacy. She begged, cried and even tried to send people at me to pressure me to agree. I still refused, but later I found out that my husband gave her a copy. I was livid. I had the biggest argument with him because of it. He said that it was done and that ‘there was NOTHING I can do about it.'”
Well, after crying her heart out, this wife had an idea about what she could do to fix the situation. She obtained the help of a locksmith and changed the lock at their new home.
However, another bitter argument ensued when her husband found out what she had done. He told her that she had no right to make such a decision on her own, but she answered back that he had given his mom a copy of the key without consulting her as well.
OP continued her post, “I stated that I will not be living in paranoia in my own house anymore. He yelled at me asking what he should tell his mom now, then stormed off. His dad and family knew and started calling me petty and whatnot. He’s refusing to speak to me unless I ‘correct’ my mistake. AITA for doing this?”
Members of the AITA community were deeply sympathetic with this wife whose husband thinks marriage is about adding a new member to their family rather than creating a family of their own.
“NTA but the best way to correct this mistake isn’t with a locksmith; it’s with a divorce lawyer,” advised an AITA member who won an award for this.
“This is so important! If you don’t have children with him yet, run! Otherwise, you are looking at your child/ren being raised by your MIL with your husband and the rest of his family enabling her. Please leave him/them or you will never have peace in your life. I do not say that lightly. Pls get legal advice from a divorce attorney,” another person warned.
“This ⬆️ if the family is ganging up on you now, once you have a child or two, they will walk all over you and ignore every thing you say. You will not be able to decide how to raise your children. MIL will make the rules, and your husband and family will bully you to agree. Run fast,” said another Redditor.
And this comment is as wise and practical as the rest” “A few months here and reading justnomil, and I agree. I’ve never known a toxic mother-son situation like the ones I read about, but it is not a fixable situation if the husband prefers the mom. He’s too damaged to undo and too much unhappy life to live with. Better to find someone without their mom and her flying monkeys attached at the hip.
“I think people from non-narcissistic families have no clue the toxic mess they are entering when they marry these boys. It’s been shocking to me to read about; but, to these damaged sons and families, it’s just a typical day. They don’t know ‘normal’ non-narcissistic families. They are too broken to devote your life and energy to fix. Get out, OP. It’s never getting better. You want the rest of your life day by day to be this bullsh*t? No, you don’t. The best thing you can do is leave and never look back.”
Learn more about this type of conflict in the video below.Whizzco