Imagine saving up for your dream vacation . . . and getting it ruined by your older sister who wanted you to babysit her 2-year-old son instead of heading out to enjoy the beach and the sun!
Yes, this young woman — who’s been too kind to her mother, her sister, her sister’s boyfriend, and their two kids — is pouring her heart out to members of Reddit’s Am I the A**hole community. She wants to know if she is the one who is ruining the family vacation she has paid for.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people like her sister who give birth to children over whom they cannot take full responsibility. They rely on their parents, sisters, brothers, and other relatives to help take care of them — most of the time, imposing on their kindness.
Under the name moonturtle766, the OP (original poster) explains that she has an older sister who has a 2-year-old son and a 2-month-old baby. She and her boyfriend could hardly handle their first child, but they still chose to expand their family. Now, it has become the OP’s responsibility to look after her older nephew while her sister and mother take care of the infant.
Exhausted by babysitting day after day for months on end, the OP decided to give herself some quality “me time” by saving for her dream vacation. Out of love and consideration for their mom, she invited her to join her and likewise paid for it.
But, a month before the vacation, her mom and older sister suddenly announced that the latter and her two kids would be joining her planned vacation since her boyfriend had a bike vacation scheduled on the same week. The OP told her mother about her concern that she might not be able to enjoy her time off because she might be asked to babysit again. She was promised that they would not impose on her time so she could relax as much as she wanted.
It turned out a pure lie. Her sister tasked her to take care of her older child while she and their mom spend their time on the phone and taking care of the baby. The situation has deeply saddened the OP, and she could not hide her sadness. Her older sister criticized her “bad attitude” and accused her of ruining their family vacation.
Moonturtle continued saying on her post, “I was so annoyed i told her what do you mean ruining your vacation i paid for it. This is my vacation. She began yelling and said that just because i paid for everything doesn’t mean I can sit here and ruin it for her. I said you invited yourself i didn’t ask you to be here. And said that they promised I would not have to babysit. She began yelling louder and said i haven’t touched the baby while we where here (that’s a lie i have given him his bottle a few times and held him while he slept and cried plenty of times.)”
The OP further added, “I told her who has been keeping the 2 year old busy. She got more angry and said isn’t that normal for you to want to play with the 2 year old as his aunt. Our mom was looking at me like I’ve kicked the children. Because how could I complain about playing with my own nephew. They stormed out and yelled that there really something wrong with me and i should think about what i said. I’ve been crying non stop and have no clue what to do anymore. They don’t talk to me. And I’m stuck here with them until Friday.”
She ended the post with the question, “Am I the a..hole?”
Well, it’s not surprising that out of 13,500 votes, 96% upvoted the post, and the OP got told that she’s NTA (Not The A..Hole).
Reassuring words and helpful advice poured in, with many suggesting she should learn to say no and love herself more.
One commenter wrote: “NTA – Your sister took advantage and your mum didn’t give AF about you or your feelings. Go off on your own, enjoy the rest of your holiday! When you get back set boundaries and leave them to it! Your sisters kids are not your responsibility, next time go away on your own or go with a friend or a solo travelers group. Neither your mum or your sister have thought about you or your feelings, it’s all about your sister, her needs and her kids. They’ll probably call you an AH but they’re so self-absorbed, your mum playing granny and reliving being a mum and your sister just being her by the sounds of it. Just keep your boundaries, they will run to you again eventually for help, so make sure you say no.”
Another advises: “NTA. I know it’s hard when you are the youngest and one perp is your parent but you are handling yourself fine. If you need help, show them this post. Tell them people around the world think that they are assholes who have ruined your vacation and they need to shape up or go home. You love them, but not their entitlement. This was your vacation, and your mom is your guest. Your sister was uninvited. They owe you an apology each and some consideration. Go and do the things you want, and they can stay in the hotel room. If they go to the beach they need to assign one of themselves to the baby and one to the nephew.”
Another person is filled with sympathy, since this is not moonturtle’s first attempt to voice out her problem: “OP even made a WIBTA post a month ago and then deleted it. I wish she had left it up, so this community could have encouraged her to set and hold her boundary… it’s even more sad with the context from the other post. She’s been bending over backwards for her family with this vacation.
OP, I hope you find a way to get away from your family and enjoy the few vacation days you have left. And then, I hope you’re able to reason with your family once you’re all at home. It boggles my mind that they really don’t see how they’re imposing on you. In what world do they live that they see You as selfish, when its Them being selfish?”
Two more Reddit users feel very passionately about the OP’s predicament, including a responsible parent who has taken full responsibility of raising 5 kids.
“Exactly this. I do NOT understand how people have children and expect OTHER people to take care of them. Not my kid. NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY. OP PAID for a vacation for two and now NEEDS a vacation from the vacation. Honestly I would either go home early and leave them there or book activities for MYSELF only for the duration of the trip.”
And this parent does not hold back from saying: “Agree!! I had 5 kids. Did we go on vacation every year? Nope. I chose that life. They are all happy adults. I will never understand how women keep having children they don’t want to take care of 100% of the time. That’s the deal. You may have a partner to help, but at some point you’re going to be alone with your children. You’re not going to be able to do all the things you want. Hell, half the time you can’t even pee alone. OP, NTA. And if they’re not talking to you, enjoy the peace and quiet.”
Indeed, one of the best skills to learn in life is how to say no even if it hurts.
What do you think?