Elopements are becoming more and more popular these days, according to Hello Prenup, with many Millenials opting to elope rather than spend a lot of money on a traditional wedding.
Among the Millennial celebrities who have joined this bandwagon are Game of Thrones star Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas along with the now-divorced couple Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth.
Today, elopement is not also the same as it was before, when the act used to be associated with impulsive decisions and rebelliousness. Now, elopement entails an intimate ceremony to which families and a few friends might get invited.
But elopement does have its share of disadvantages. Friends who have not been informed and invited might feel slighted. Parents or other members of the family may also feel left out if the concerned couple opts for a simple ceremony without invitees.
The bride shouldn’t also expect that elopement can still be as “romantic and practical” as a traditional wedding. There are no wedding cakes, no wedding dance for the couple, no throwing of bouquets, no wedding gifts. Many couples look forward to receiving wedding gifts since they are a practical help for starting a new life.
In this viral post on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum, the daughter of the Original Poster has made the decision to elope. Even though the younger couple didn’t inform him, his wife, or anyone else ahead, OP thought that his daughter and her new husband must have made a plan for their future and everything else they wanted to achieve in their lives together.
But, as it’s always been said, expect the unexpected. And it can be absolutely shocking.
Here is OP’s story, under the handle u/External-Relief7802: “My daughter Jane recently eloped with her partner of 5 years. My wife and I were excited when they got engaged to plan a wedding, but she said she didn’t want to rush setting a date or planning a wedding. This was understandable to us, and we didn’t want to rush them either, but we let her know we would contribute a set amount to her wedding when the time came. Then last week, she tells me she has an announcement and that they actually eloped together because they decided they didn’t want the big event with all the attention on them. This was a little disappointing, but we understood – she’s never been the type to want to be the spotlight, so, while we weren’t expecting it, it wasn’t the biggest shock in the world.”
And so, for OP and his wife, life would just have to go on as usual without looking forward anymore to a big event that would have gathered their whole family together in festivities.
OP was already fine with that — until his daughter showed up and notified them that she was now going to collect on their promise. That was a total shock for OP and his wife! Their daughter was expecting them to hand over the cash that her parents had intended for her wedding so she and her husband could take the month-long honeymoon they desired.
OP continued to relate in his post, “My wife and I told her the money we were prepared to give her was for a family event, not just for her to do as she pleases. If she didn’t want a traditional wedding, that’s fine, but we never told her we were just giving her, say, 15k for the act of getting married. We just didn’t want her to have to spend a ton of her own funds on a wedding, and, since relatives and family friends would have presumably been there, we were happy to pay for it so she wouldn’t have to. 2 of my nieces have gotten married in the last couple years, and it’s a family event to us, not just about the two people getting married.”
Their daughter didn’t take their words well, and she accused them of breaking their word. But OP and his wife clarified again that their promised funds were for her wedding with family and friends invited. They did afterward tell their daughter that if she wanted a second ceremony or family event to celebrate their union, they were willing to sponsor it.
OP sadly ended his post with, “If she had asked if she eloped or had a tiny wedding if we would give her some of it for a honeymoon, we may have considered it, but its hard to know, because we were never given the request, they just went and did their own thing (which, again, is fine). AITA for not just giving her the cash we would have paid?”
Here are some of the comments from people who have gone through the same thing but without causing their parents any headache:
“NTA. I’m so shocked by the daughter here! My husband and I decided to have the wedding we wanted, based on what we could afford. My parents (separated) both took exception to choices we made. When I said they were based on budget, they insisted on paying for the upgrades they wanted (my dad, scotch drinker, HORRIFIED we would only comp light beer and wine / my mum, sentimental, DISTRAUGHT we weren’t getting the full-day photography package with a second camera person). The money was never a cash gift, it was about making sure family could be hosted comfortably and keeping up with their traditions. I would never dream of asking them to give me the cash instead!”
“My parents and in-laws did the same. We had a budget, and we were sticking to it. Dad wanted a champagne toast. Not in the budget (99% of the invited guests came!), so he paid for it. Father-in-law wanted an open bar (traditional for his family). Sorry. Not in the budget, so he paid for it. Did I feel bad? No. I loved them both and was honest about our budget, and they understood.”
“My mother did the same, except she paid for appetizers and a late-night menu because I was unwilling to get rid of the open bar to pay for more food when I had a four-course dinner plus cake. I could not finish the dinner at the tasting because portions were generous and therefore decided alcohol was more important. She paid for the food she wanted and the extra guests she wanted. Although, after the wedding, she conceded that the extra food probably wasn’t necessary.”Whizzco