Just because we are parents doesn’t mean we know everything and we are always right.
We teach our kids virtues and responsibility according to their age and level of understanding. We shouldn’t also expect them to be perfect or obedient 100% of the time. Kids are kids; mistakes and unfulfilled promises are part of growing up.
The problem with this mom is self-righteousness, her moral standard that’s not only erroneous but out of legal bounds. And she wants to enforce her will on her sixteen-year-old daughter, who’s finally learning what true responsibility is through her first job. As a result, this mom is actually eroding the young girl’s motivation and crushing her spirit.
Yes, since her daughter is now starting to earn, this mom wants the young girl to turn her wages over to her as payment for her huge debt.
This mom posted her story on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum after her husband and members of their family called her act as pure foolishness!
How foolish she really is. Here is her post, under the username u/swimmingpoolaita: “Honestly, I don’t even feel that this situation needs to be on Reddit, but my daughter, husband, and many of my family members are calling me an a-hole, and I’m really not sure anymore. For context, four years ago, when my daughter was 12, she desperately wanted a pool. She said that all of her friends had pools and she was the only one who didn’t have one, plus she loved swimming. She insisted that she would use it daily in the summer.”
OP admitted that she and her husband could actually afford the construction of a swimming pool for their daughter. But since it was very expensive and they themselves were not fond of swimming, they wanted their daughter to learn the value of money. Hence, they made an agreement that once their daughter was old enough and started working, she would pay her parents back half of the swimming pool cost, to which the youngster excitedly agreed.
Here’s what happened next, as OP wrote in the post: “Well, flash forward to now. She’s 16 and just got her first job, and now she wants to save up for a prom dress she really likes. I reminded her of our agreement about the pool, and she no longer wants to uphold her end of the agreement. I insisted, threatening to take away phone and car privileges if she doesn’t pay her father and me back. Now she won’t speak to me. My husband is agreeing with her, saying that we can’t have honestly expected a twelve-year-old to keep her end of the agreement. For me, this isn’t even about money — it’s about teaching my young daughter the right morals to live life with. I don’t want her to think she can just go around making deals for her benefit and then just not uphold them.”
This mom then asked, “AITA?”
Yes, this parent thinks she knows everything about proper parenting, morals, ethics, and what makes a responsible person. But, in reality, her self-righteous attitude is her gravest imperfection!
Next to it is her ignorance of the law and proper child-rearing based on godly standards.
It’s not surprising that Redditors were echoing the criticisms that her husband and other loved ones have given her.
HenriettaHiggins commented, “You got in a verbal agreement with a 12-year-old for thousands of dollars and are now trying to enforce it? Seriously? Four years later. The right morals to live with are that 12-year-olds cannot legally enter contracts. That’s the moral. YTA. And just.. very very misguided.”
More words of wisdom from Kimberellaroo: “OP is making her daughter pay for a pool that adds value to OP and husband’s property. They are going to make that cost of installing it back. The fact that her friends all have pools suggests that wherever OP is living, pools are really popular and therefore desirable in a home. By making her daughter pay for it, OP is essentially double-dipping here.”
Likewise, rlikesbikes voiced out, “Yeah. I was still playing with Barbie at age 12. You can ask a child to pay for something that is maybe tens, *maybe* hundreds of dollars to teach a lesson. A pool? Bloody ludicrous. INFO for OP: Does your daughter get a cut of the increased valuation of the house due to the pool when they sell it in 10 years then?”
And this remark from dingdongditch216 is another eye-opener: “LOL she was 12 years old, already in debt and hasn’t even taken out a single student loan yet! She’s in last place and the race hasn’t even started! Good lord.”