How would you feel if a loved one opened and read your mail without your knowledge and permission?
What if that person confronted you with the truth from that mail, something you haven’t given her or him the right to know – much less to use against you in an argument?
Does an intimate relationship or the severity of a certain truth give justification to the act of prying into someone’s private affairs?
This woman is under the opinion that as a live-in partner, everything between her and her partner must be shared. That between a couple, there is no such thing as privacy.
Under the username BlessedandStressed1, she wrote about her dilemma on Mumsnet with the title, “DP is secretly being disciplined at work, but I’ve found out.” She started her post with these details: “Together 5 years, and I’m on maternity leave with our first baby. I’m due to go back after Christmas. So as the title says, really. Today I have just had the post through, and a bulky letter arrived sent ‘signed for.’ Very formal. I opened it, and it’s a letter about a disciplinary hearing that has happened 2 weeks ago with DP at work for misconduct, but no outcome is in it, but I’ve gathered he has a final warning as a result. The things mentioned are stupid things such as timekeeping, being on his phone, and making mistakes, as well as his general attitude. DP has not once mentioned any of this to me. I am currently on maternity and am at the ‘unpaid’ point, which means I’ll be getting 0 this payday.”
OP continued to say that she was at a loss as to what to do next. She became very worried about the future in case her partner loses his work. She said that she knew why DP has not mentioned the problem to her; it’s because she suffered from PND (post-natal depression), for which she’s been receiving medication and counseling. She believed that DP, who’s been a rock to her, didn’t want her to learn the truth because it might cause her to have a mental breakdown.
OP then continued to write, “I’m guessing him coming home from work after being told he was being disciplined to me in tears and stressed out made him feel he couldn’t also drop that on me too. He’s a very hands-on dad and comes home to completely take over, cook tea, do bath time, etc. However, reading the report, he HAS to be a model employee or will be sacked. If I’m honest, I think it’s the beginning of the end. So when I confront him, I might tell him to start looking for a new job?”
Continuing with her litany of worries, OP expressed her regret over what happened to DP at work. She’s also anxious about what would happen to their baby, with her or DP not being with their kid 5 days a week. For OP, it’s not her vision for her family. To think, she and DP have already made plans, including having another baby the following year. Now, she thinks all of her visions have fallen apart.
She did add that she was also worried about DP and how he’s been carrying this burden. She ended her post with, “He was in a sad mood over the weekend, and now I know why. His fault though. What do I do?”
Well, contrary to OP’s expected reaction from Mumsnet commenters, those who responded were more astounded by what she has done: opening her partner’s private letter!
Opaljewel: “I am sorry you are in distress, but it is shocking you opened his mail. That is not your right!”
Droven: “Do you always open other people’s letters?”
OatFox: “It sounds very stressful, but please don’t tell him you know. You crossed a line by opening his post, and he hasn’t told you because he feels he can handle it and doesn’t want to add more stress to you. He’s not been fired and is handling it. The only reason you’d be saying anything is to make his situation worse. He already knows he’s failed and needs to pull up his socks and do the job properly.”
Myneighboursnorlax: “The attitude of ‘confronting him’ and ‘his fault though’ seems really harsh after you say how supportive he’s been of you. I’m sure he’s been worried about you, which won’t have helped with his timekeeping and mistake-making at work. The times he’s been on his phone, has he been contacting you to make sure you’re ok? It sounds like he’s been dealing with a lot, trying not to make things worse for you. Go easy on him.”
However, commenting on this post may prove to be just a waste of time after reading the responses that OP gave. The woman — who’s very proud to say that she earns more than DP and that their home is her property and that it would be a disadvantage for her if she married him and then split up — is too immature or mentally imbalanced to deal with criticisms and hard-core advice. She even wants to dictate to commenters what they should say in her post.
It’s no longer a surprise why DP couldn’t tell her about his troubles at work.