Trouble brewing in paradise.
And as, usual, it concerns money. When you’re in a relationship, sharing 50-50 seems to be the fairest arrangement. But, a relationship expert begs to disagree if there are children involved, especially if one spouse does most of the childcare.
“My partner works full time and earns around 200-250 per day. I am currently a stay-at-home mum to our DS who is almost 3 and DD who is 5 months old. I do intend to start work once my youngest is old enough to go to nursery. For now, I’ve been doing a private tutoring job from home, and I only earn £550 per month. I could earn more, but it’s hard to do more due to juggling the home and children. My partner expects me to contribute a share to all the bills, food shopping, and anything related to the kids. By the time I have done all of this, I have a very small amount of money left to myself or none at all. Sometimes I would like to buy myself books or go out with a friend or get my hair done but just don’t have much money left. Considering that my partner earns considerably more than I do, would it be fair if I asked him to cover all the bills, and with the money I earn, I can use that to cover all expenses related to the kids and myself.”
Let’s admit it. Few men understand the hardship of being a mother, and how much more when a woman has to work while taking care of a family. Time is never enough, and her resources in a situation like this are few. Her partner should have been sensitive if he really loves her and their kids. But it seems this is another one of those men who are blind and selfish beyond belief.
First, the comments from Mumsnet users:
From eelieza: “You get less than minimum wage; he should cover everything and the kids’ stuff and just have that to yourself.”
Changingplace: “You should pool all money as family money, pay all the bills & have equal spending amounts. Why does he seem to think kids’ costs are yours to cover if they’re his kids too?”
Aquamarine1029: “Are you married? If not, you’re in a very, very vulnerable position. I think your partner’s stinginess is a massive red flag. Your relationship doesn’t sound like a partnership at all.”
And this opinion as published in Newsweek came from Emma Mankey Hide, a relationship expert and creator of ‘The Game Show of Love’: “The unfortunate fact is that, based on statistical probability, the man is likely doing almost none of the childcare — and, unfortunately, that would probably be the case even if the woman was working full time.”
Hence, she advised couples with disproportionate incomes to do the following, “You take the lower earner’s income and figure out how many times more than that the higher earner is earning. In this case, the woman makes around £550, which means the man earns a little over eight times more than she does. Then you take all of your bills and divide it by nine and the woman pays 1/9th of the bills and the man pays 8/9ths. That said, even 1/9th of the bills could easily eat that up, so I still think the man should let it go and cover the bills since she is covering another area of their joint life on her own (the childcare). Frankly, the male partner isn’t really seeing this as a partnership from the sounds of it, and he is devaluing childcare.”
Yes, it appears the warnings from commenters on Mumsnet are true. It’s a red flag.Whizzco