“My (m44) wife (f43) has a colleague from work ‘Joe,’ and Joe split from his wife a year ago. Joe also runs a home-based business as a fitness instructor. The way I understand it, he has his basement and backyard full of equipment, and people pay him in either groups or as individuals for training in his basement.”
Posted by a husband with the username u/Dancingelves, this story has been garnering various reactions from male and female members of Reddit’s popular r/AmItheA–hole community. Most of the males side with the husband, while some females choose to side with the wife.
Here’s the continuation of the post: “My wife took part as part of a group this summer, the sessions were at 7:30 am, and she told me one day that as she was arriving, a different colleague of hers (female, middle-aged, also a client of his) came walking out of his Kitchen having a coffee, clearly having spent the night. The thing is, this woman just split with her husband 4 weeks earlier. Now I don’t have evidence, but it seems to me that due to only 4 weeks passing and she is already announcing to colleagues that they are sleeping together, they very likely had something before she split with her husband and it very likely was a contributing factor in her split from her family (hence the term homewrecker).”
Now, it’s easy to understand why OP has become worried about his wife’s decision to join the workout at Joe’s gym. But something worse even happened. This time, OP’s wife wanted to work out twice a week with a friend at the controversial basement. And even though he already told her that he was against it, his wife went on and signed up for the session.
OP continued to relate the following details: “Well I was quite pissed, and we had a fight. She ended up canceling the workout sessions but only did it because I basically told her to. She doesn’t think anything is wrong with it and thinks I’m wrong here. It’s been 2 weeks, and we have been cold and distant ever since.”
OP also added the following: “I asked my wife if she thinks the guy was moving on the woman while she was still married, and she agrees it’s likely. I also asked my wife if the roles were reversed and I was working out with a female colleague in her basement and it was assumed she slept with a married guy at my work, contributing to a divorce, if she would be comfortable with it, and she wouldn’t say either way. Again, while I understand it doesn’t come off that way, I trust my wife, I don’t trust the guy and just didn’t like the situation.”
So, is he the a–hole?
“NTA – It is obvious, if the story was reversed, she would not like it. And, while I may get hammered for saying this… If SHE were here making this post, many of the people here claiming that YOU are TA would be singing a different tune. I would be saying the same thing as you. Going to some guy’s basement to exercise? Really? That seems like a good idea when you are married? Leave out the fact of the guy seeming to have an affair with someone married. It’s STILL a bad idea. Your wife wouldn’t like it if you were doing this with a woman in exercise clothes in HER basement,” commented a Reddit user who won awards for this response.
Seriously, they’re all desperately arguing that OP has no evidence it was cheating, but mysteriously ignoring the fact that his wife wants to work out in the basement of a man that actively sleeps with his clients, like how f-ing unprofessional is that?” remarked another Redditor.
“Not to mention the danger. Obviously very fit man, inviting women to his basement to work out, obvious he has slept with clients. Not only unprofessional, but, since this guy thinks it’s okay to sleep with clients regardless of their marital status, what happens if he makes a pass at OP’s wife? OP trusts his wife, so let’s assume she rebukes him. What if this guy doesn’t take it kindly? What if this happens when they’re alone in this guy’s basement in a 1-on-1 session? I can see how the situation could get very bad very quickly. OP is NTA. His wife is refusing to acknowledge all the red flags,” commented another concerned AITA member.
Meanwhile, this individual shared OP’s concern as well, despite being a female: “Also, as a woman, if I knew the trainer slept with his clients, I would not feel comfortable going over there out of fear he would put me in an uncomfortable situation. I think most women would consider this possibility, so she might not be opposed to that idea. I’d suggest she finds a more reputable trainer.”Whizzco