Feud Between Brother and Sister Over a Baby’s Name Could Make Grandma Turn in Her Grave
“Victoria is the feminine version of Victor and is of Latin origin, meaning ‘victorious.’ From Victoria, Roman Goddess of Victory, and Queen Victoria’s reign to modern-day entrepreneur Victoria Beckham, it is clear that this name symbolizes confidence and power,” explains The Bump on the meaning of the name Victoria on their website.
But how could such a beautiful and powerful name that was inspired by the winged Greek goddess of victory lead to a feud between a brother and a sister that could make all the dead Victorias in the world turn in their graves, including their grandmother?
This story filled with anguish and bitterness was posted by the brother under the handle u/Patient-Ad8524 on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum: “I (30M) have a sister ‘Layla’ (28F). Both me and Layla are married, I to ‘Pam’ (29F) and Layla to ‘Greg’ (30M). Me and my sister had a grandma who sadly passed away when we were in high school. Since we are both married and both plan on having kids, the topic of names came up, and we both said we wanted to name a child after our grandma – lets say her name was Victoria. We didn’t really fight about this per se and just agreed whoever had a daughter first could use the name.”
OP continued to relate that his wife got pregnant a year ago, and they later learned that the baby was a girl. OP’s parents hosted a gender reveal where the couple announced that they would name their daughter “Victoria.” According to OP, the event did not upset his sister, who had even joked about her brother beating her to the punch.
Some weeks later, they all learned that his sister was also in the family way.
Unfortunately, OP’s wife suffered a stillbirth. It devastated the couple, especially his wife. OP continued to say in the post, “My family has been there to support us, but we have asked Layla to give us some space, as seeing her pregnant is a lot for us at this time. While she was upset about this, she understood.”
What happened next was another gender reveal party, this time for OP’s sister and her baby. OP and his wife felt that they were ready to attend such an event after his mom invited them. Everything was going smoothly until the gender/name reveal. It was expected that Greg and his family would come out from the garage with a banner that would be blue or pink and announce the baby’s name.
“When the garage opened, me and my wife were shocked to see a banner that said ‘Welcome baby Victoria [Greg’s last name].’ I asked my sister WTF, and she said since we weren’t using the name, it’s only fair she should get to. My wife started sobbing, and I took her to my car, but not before telling my sister she is an evil human being who doesn’t deserve to be a mother,” OP related in his post.
However, OP’s mom was angry since Layla was also experiencing a high-risk pregnancy, and OP’s reaction has caused her a lot of stress. Other members of their family were also of the opinion that OP should apologize to his sister.
But OP explained in an update that he got so upset because their stillborn daughter was buried with the name “Victoria” on her grave. It was also the reason why his sister’s gender reveal party has caused so much pain to his wife. Their baby had the misfortune of dying so early, but she is still their Victoria.
What’s the opinion of the AITA community? Not the a–hole.
FunkisHen commented, “I’m honestly shocked that she isn’t grieving her niece? Especially being pregnant herself, I’d think it’d hit hard that her niece was stillborn. But apparently she just thought, ‘Oh, the name is free?’ I’m not a parent, but I am an aunt, and I’ve been attached to the kids since before they were born. I’d be heartbroken if one of my sisters’ pregnancies had ended in a stillbirth rather than a living baby. I can only imagine how devastating it must be for the parents of the child, but I can’t imagine how you could be this insensitive about their loss.”
Likewise, OverzealousCactus wrote, “This was my thought as well. A middle name honors the grandmother, and even the lost cousin if you’d like to present it that way. But this feels like a ‘finders keepers’ grab. Yuck.”
Meanwhile, this is an award-winning remark from Okayostrich: “Also, please point out that you and your sister wanted the name Victoria to HONOR your grandmother. How exactly is it honoring your grandmother to provide you and your wife with fresh pain at every baby milestone? ‘Victoria’s first birthday, you have to attend!’……log onto Facebook ‘Oh look, Victoria’s first lost tooth!’…..’Victoria got engaged, so excited to see her walk down the aisle!.’ Given the late stage of your loss, these events would likely continue to cause pain for DECADES to come, even if you and your wife later made peace with the idea. Your grandmother would likely be rolling in her grave to hear the pain that her namesake would be causing. Your sister’s actions tarnish the intent behind the name….especially because she did not bother to broach the topic with you in private so you and your wife had an option on whether to attend.”
What’s in a name? In this tragic case, no one has a victorious occasion to celebrate. Still, for the sake of the innocent child who will grow up as the next-generation Victoria, her controversial name must not overshadow her existence with grief, bitterness, and family feud. In the end, it would be the wish of her great-grandmother whom both OP and his sister have wanted to honor.
