Some parents feel so entitled in life that they behave like brood parasites, such as the Brown-headed cowbirds whose female species lay eggs in another bird’s nest.
In this case, it’s a single dad who complained to the members of Reddit’s popular r/AmItheA–hole community about his girlfriend, whom he accused of selfishness for abandoning “her” responsibility toward his two kids.
Yes, with the username u/throwaway2216689, this Original Poster published his story to seek validation for his words and action — but gets slammed instead by online commenters for egocentricity and lack of empathy for the woman who’s devoted two years of her life to caring for his children.
Published likewise in Newsweek, Marni Goldman, author of True to Myself: Peace, Love, Marni and a life coach called this guy a narcissist upon hearing his opinion.
Let’s learn the full story based on OP’s post: “I M36, have been with my girlfriend F32, for 2 years. I have 2 boys m13 & m9 from my previous relationship. Their mom is not in the picture. I work full time and my girlfriend used to stay home and take care of everything else (I still help out here and there) yet she would complain about the kids causing constant messes, not receiving proper discipline, and accidents like breaking a vase, and the list goes on. She complained that she is more of a parent than I am, which is not true since I provide an income. yet she decided she wanted to go back to work and started looking.”
OP continued his story with his girlfriend finding a potential job. But, unfortunately, her interview was scheduled on a school day, and so he called her up to remind her to pick up his kids, since it’s one of her duties. But, to his surprise, his girlfriend said no and advised him to pick them up himself since her interview was at that time.
OP insisted that she should do it because he was at work, but his girlfriend told him that he should simply take a break. But OP kept on arguing with her until she finally replied in anger that she was more of a parent to his kids than he. Moreover, she told him that she was tired of being at his beck and call all day and night.
Since no one between them would acquiesce, OP asked a friend to pick his kids up, but the kids were upset because they had to wait for almost an hour.
OP continued his story with the following details, “At home, I got into a huge argument with my girlfriend, calling her selfish for doing this to the kids and ditching them like that. She said that she had an important interview and that I, as the parent, could’ve figured something out instead of expecting her to drop what she was doing and pick the kids up. She called me an a-hole, then went to stay with her mom.”
From the tone of OP’s post, he’s still feeling angry over what happened and justified in calling his girlfriend a selfish person.
Such a bloated sense of self-worth could really blind a person from seeing what kind of human being he really is.
Quoting the words of Marni Goldman as published in Newsweek, “In this situation, I am sure this man has been an arrogant narcissist from the start. The roles were defined from the very beginning. He was the ‘breadwinner’ and he knew over time, because of his money, he would be able to control her.”
This is why Goldman has advised setting healthy boundaries in order to avoid this kind of conflict. OP’s girlfriend had simply wanted to help him so he could have more focus on his work, but she ended up being his free nanny. And when she tried to resume her career, he criticized her bitterly and blamed her for his kids’ getting upset when they were not picked up on schedule.
Here are comments from the members of the AITA community:
JimmyJonJackson420 remarked, “One of those ‘wait a fucking minute, I literally don’t have to be here’ moments. I’ve had plenty and dipped and it’s been wonderful. I hope OP’s girl got that job and goes on to live her best life.”
EmeraldBlueZen likewise said, “THIS. I’m sure GF reached her breaking point, and now OP will have to realize he really will have to ‘parent’ his children. SMH. YTA.”
Used_Grocery_9048 also shared this point of view: “Who’s gonna be most affected? Him taking a few hours off an existing job or someone who is trying to get a job missing the interview or leaving early? That is straight-up trying to sabotage her getting a job. He is happy to have a baby mama who’s dependent on him.”
Meanwhile, YinzerChick70 voiced out the same opinion: “Exactly! The interview gets blown, and she remains dependent on him. This is a tried and true tactic of controlling and manipulative partners. OP, YTA. And you’re getting dumped for Christmas.”Whizzco