I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.
You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.
Oh plunge me deep in love—put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind. ~Sara Teasdale
Yes, this may well be the perfect poem for these imperfect lovers whose story went viral on Reddit.
This poem was published in 1915, but it appears to be truer in many romantic relationships in the 21st century. The lack of true love, the longing for real romance, and the ignorance of most lovers about the real meaning of commitment.
Before, love was selfless; today, it’s mostly about equality.
It’s no wonder that when this story was published in Newsweek, property expert Jonathan Rolande opined that the couple involved was not really ready for a relationship or was incompatible.
“A relationship is about give-and-take in unseen and unspoken ways,” said Rolande. “The fact that one side is asking this question and the other is resistant is a sign that either they are not right for each other or they are not ready to cohabit. The mistake was linking the request for money to the mortgage rather than simply discussing a fair contribution.”
The whole story was about a guy who wanted to buy a house, where he and his girlfriend would live together. But, there’s a condition — they should live as lovers and as landlord and tenant at the same time!
The Original Poster is the man with the username u/TastyPoop13 who recently published his post on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum to seek validation for his decision. He wrote, “My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have been living together in a rental for 1 year now. We have always been a ‘we have our own money’ kind of couple but have always had a joint account that we both put money into to pay for groceries, rent, electricity, etc. Prior to living with her, I lived with my parents for a while, and I was working full-time so I managed to save up quite a lot of money. She is the complete opposite, where if she gets money she spends it. I recently decided that I am going to put my savings into a house and move into there. All of the money going into the house will be mine, and none of it will be hers.”
Trouble started for the couple when OP finally discussed his plan with his girlfriend. He said she must make rental payments to him upon moving in with him to the new house. His girlfriend protested since it was not similar to her renting a place. She’s been already giving her share for food, bills, and other needs. Why should he treat her like his tenant and not as the woman he loves?
Nevertheless, OP wanted her to pay him a monthly sum that was “equal to half of the mortgage, which is less then 25% of most rentals in the area.” OP also added in the edit that he is able to make house payments without his girlfriend’s help and all the upkeep as well. He thinks she should pay him that amount, but with a clear understanding that the new house is absolutely his.
And so, Rolande was right when he said that the couple should discuss fair contributions when they move into his new house — not asking his girlfriend to be his tenant. It’s not just unromantic, it’s not real love.
To quote Rolande, “A relationship is about give-and-take in unseen and unspoken ways.”
To quote Teasdale, “I am not yours, not lost in you, Not lost, although I long to be …”
But it does seem many younger people and couples miss this point, based on their pragmatic comments. Relationships, nowadays, are like fast food utensils that are so easy to dispose of.
And yet, it cannot be denied that true love remains the obsession of this pragmatic world.
What do you think this couple should do?