How do you know when you’re being ghosted? Or if both of you are simply waiting for the other to reach out and say something to get it across that you are still interested?
It is a predicament that this woman in her thirties is going through, writing about her frustration over a divorced man whom she dated twice and from whom she never heard again after an intimate weekend.
Posting her story on Mumsnet under the account name Cherrycokefiend, she related the following:
“Can’t quite believe I’m writing this. But met a man (43) on OLD a month ago. Instant chemistry, lots of flirting, took me out for my birthday and said all the right things. He called throughout the week and was actively pursuing me and making arrangements.”
However, she admitted she had a nagging feeling over his seeming to be bitter about his ex-wife. He seemed still wounded by his failed marriage.
Nevertheless, her doubts did not stop OP from spending an intimate weekend with this divorcee. Except that, to her shock, after a night together, he never contacted her again.
OP continued her post with these words: “Total crickets. I’m a big girl in my thirties and haven’t and will definitely not be reaching out. But frankly, I feel sick that a 43-year-old man could pull this. Ok after a couple of dates (even though that’s not great) but after having a level of intimacy? I’m shell shocked, even despite my reservations about the bloke.”
And she ended her story with, “I know it’s not me, it’s him, yada yada yada, but honestly I feel sick and shaken by this. I know in my gut I won’t hear from him again. And by this stage, I don’t want to. Can anyone help me feel remotely ok again about this? Need some viper treatment.”
Well, is she being ghosted?
Or is it she who’s ghosting him?
The opinions on this post present these two possibilities, and it seems that the mystery could only be resolved if OP would be willing to be the first to reach out after giving the guy some time.
The first commenter wrote, “If men want to contact you, they do – they make it happen. If they don’t, they don’t. The same can be said about women though. If she is interested, she will contact you.
If you’ve not heard from her, she has no interest. If OP messaged him and then he didn’t respond, then yes, he’d not be interested, but you can’t claim someone isn’t interested if you’re doing the exact same thing.”
Another person advised, “I believe you guys got ‘cozy’ a bit too soon, and all of a sudden he saw himself in a ‘relationship’ and he’s just reconsidering if that’s what he wants, so if I were you I would give the guy some space and do ‘my thing.’ If after a week you haven’t heard from him send, him a sweet short message along the lines of ‘Happy Monday! How are you doing?’ and see how he responds. Don’t be pushy or angry with him (after all, he owes you nothing and he may feel more pressured). I would have the ‘are we exclusive?’ conversation after 3 months of dating him. Right now you’re just dating and he’s figuring out if a relationship with you is what he wants.”
Meanwhile, this comment has earned some support from fellow Mumsnet members: “Here we go again. Another one falling into the trap. There have been loads of threads like this lately. They are all the same. Woman sleeps with man after knowing him for only a few weeks and then is shocked and upset when she never hears from him again. I’m not saying that every man is like this, but there are A LOT of them. If you don’t like being treated this way, then wait before having sex. Be sure that he’s committed and the one for you. Despite what they may make you think, men don’t wither away and die if they don’t have sex for a few months. It shouldn’t have to be like this, but, unfortunately, women make it too easy for men to get away with this type of behaviour, so it’s becoming more and more common.”