Man to Penniless Friend: You’re Welcome to Stay at My Home, But Not Your Lazy Fiancée
“You always answer when I call
And help me up if I should fall,
But you never complain at all,
My true friend.
You confront me when I am wrong
But will never scold me for long,
Instead, you try to keep me strong,
My true friend.
You always perceive what I need
And offer it before I plead.
Just like a book, my mind you read,
My true friend.
And greatest of all I have found
When times are tough and I’m down,
You are the one who sticks around,
My true friend.” Excerpted from My True Friend by Abimbola T. Alabi
This is one of the best poems about friendship, and if you read the entirety, you would agree with every word that’s been written about what makes a true friend.
But then, after reading this viral post from Reddit’s popular r/AmItheA–hole forum, will you consider this person a true friend?
The post was published by this person, with the username u/primeisok, whose friends have assured him that he did the right thing for himself and their friend who was broke. However, those people close to his friend’s fiancée are now accusing him of possibly causing their relationship to crash.
Here are the details as shared by this Original Poster — then judge for yourself if you’d call him a true friend: “So I am 28M, and my friend ‘Tom’ is 29M, and his fiancée ‘Kat’ is 31F. Recently, Tom and Kat have come into financial issues and are unable to pay their rent. As it stands, they can either move in with Kat’s parents, who live roughly 2 hours away, or they can move in with me until they find another place to rent. Now, they would rather move in with me. I live alone in a 3-bedroom house, so I have the space. It would be easier for them, as they can stay near our other friends and close to Tom’s work. There are also a lot of parks nearby so Kat can take her dogs for walks. That’s all well and good for them.”
But the problem was that OP didn’t feel comfortable living with another human being, much less two. Although his house has three rooms, one of them functions as his bedroom and the two others as a home office and a library. He likes everything as it is, and it was easier for him to invite girls over without roommates.
But when OP told Tom and Kat about it, they were quick to accuse him of selfishness. They told him that a true friend would lend a hand, especially to someone in dire need.
These words had a painful impact on OP, who continued to relate, “So I told them the blunt truth. I would be happy to help Tom. He works full-time and would respect my space. But I did not want Kat to live with me. The reason being: she doesn’t work, so she would be in my home much more than me. Her dogs are inside dogs, and I don’t want that at all. And I told them, that Tom has told me privately he gets frustrated when he comes home from work and still has to prepare dinner and do most of the chores. I told Kat she’s lucky she is with someone who tolerates her and loves her, but I’m not like Tom. I’m not dealing with it.”
That bluntness made Kat cry, and she called him evil. OP apologized to Tom, but he was firm with his decision.
Months passed, and the couple’s financial situation has not improved, which obliged them to continue living with Kat’s parents. It’s not an easy situation, but OP’s friends who knew about Kat’s character told him that his decision was right.
However, Kat’s relatives and friends think otherwise. They accuse OP of being self-absorbed and are blaming him for adding more strain to his friend and Kat’s relationship.
With whose opinion do you agree?
The AITA members voted for NTA. They think OP is a good friend, but he’s also right for setting boundaries, especially considering the kind of fiancée that his best friend has.
This is one of the very interesting comments to read from BaitedBreaths: “Oh my. I live in the US but have an old friend who lives in Australia. She says it’s very difficult for people to find affordable housing in her area right now. My friend and her husband own a home of their own, and so do both of their children, so they have no issues personally. However, she says the number of friends and some mere acquaintances who have broadly hinted, outright asked, or begged to be allowed to move in with them has been heartbreaking. They’re like you and value their space and their solitude and have always said no, but she says it is very difficult, and they are often made to feel guilty. But I think you’re right in standing your ground here unless this is a situation you’re willing to sign on for long-term. It’s unlikely Tom and Kat would find other arrangements anytime soon. And who knows how long before there’s the pitter-patter of little feet (on YOUR floors) and possibly also another dog or three and babysitting demands/requests, and dogsitting/grooming/feeding requests, and who knows what. Kat sounds like a piece of work, and Tom sounds like he won’t speak out against anything she does.”
Why should a true friend make an unnecessary sacrifice for a lazy woman and her fiancée who tolerates her indolence and immaturity?Whizzco