Man Blasted by Redditors for Manipulative Tactics to Ban His Fiancée’s Kids from Their Wedding
A woman is shocked to find out that her fiance’s desire for a child-free wedding includes banning her own two daughters from the event!
An original poster with the account name u/Status-Anonymous published her dilemma on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole forum, where she revealed that when she first met her fiance, Robin, he seemed to adore her 14- and 12-year-old kids.
Their relationship flourished, and soon they were planning their wedding, which Robin wanted to be kid-free. But OP was naturally under the impression that her daughters were an exception.
It was after they purchased dresses for her two daughters that Robin told OP that they could not attend the event.
OP continued with the following details, “I noticed something was wrong, so I asked, and he told me that my daughters are also included in the ‘no children’ rule. I told him those are my kids and [their] mom is getting married [so] of course they will want to attend.”
But her fiance reasoned that once his family finds out that he is allowing her to break the rule, he would be accused of being a doormat and playing favorites between his parents and OP.
However, OP was firm on her stand. “I said that was unacceptable and that no matter what the rules are, my daughters are always an exception, they’re my daughters!”
But Robin furiously told her that she should just leave her daughters to a babysitter, accusing her of having no respect for him. Afterward, he started to give her the silent treatment. What is worse, he no longer talks to her daughters as well, to the kids’ painful confusion.
What does the AITA community have to say about this?
Anger poured out, with scathing criticisms for OP’s fiance!
“These two gals are your daughters! There should be no discussions or arguments as to whether they should be in attendance at your wedding; their mother’s wedding. They should absolutely be in attendance for this moment. Your fiancée is not only punishing you, but he is punishing your daughters with the silent treatment and cold shoulder. This won’t change after you marry him. If he treats them this way now, imagine what this means for his relationship with them in the future, the next time he gets angry and loses his temperament. Apparently, you speaking up for yourself and your daughters is in direct defiance to his demands. This also won’t change when you get married. You’ll be expected to bow at his feet or reap the consequences, and so will your daughters. When people show you who they really are, believe them the first time. As others have said, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE HILL TO DIE ON. Your daughters should always come first, no matter what. NTA.” One Reddit user wrote bluntly.
Another AITA member warned OP of what she’s getting into, “Please know and be aware that most abusive people wait until after big commitments to show their real self and start the big manipulating. He is showing you what happens when you defy him. He did not ask or take into account anything regarding how you’re feeling. He cares more about his family thinking he’s a pushover than he does about you being happy and having your daughters there on your wedding day. Like this person said, he is showing you who he is. Believe it. It’s real.”
This person could not hide her concern either. “NTA. Frankly, this feels off to me to the point that I recommend you cancel the wedding and seek couple’s counseling. You and Robin are not just getting married; you are forming a new blended family. To exclude your daughters on this occasion — especially for the reason Robin gave, that his family of origin will resent their presence at your otherwise childfree wedding — seems like a maneuver to marginalize the girls. Especially considering he was the one who wanted it to be childfree.”
“I admit, I am biased. I think single moms, especially of daughters, need to be cautious to the point of paranoia that their new partner isn’t there to abuse the kids rather than to romance you. ANYTHING that feels like a way to isolate or disempower the kids just doesn’t feel safe. Sadly, lots of statistics on abuse bear me out. This marriage has to be healthy for the girls as well as for you, or else you should not enter it IMO. You cannot measure healthiness by how well your fiancé charms your daughters,” remarked another caring person.
“So you’re saying your fiancé is now treating your daughters poorly because he’s angry with you? Does this not give you pause? Forget every detail of this disagreement, none of it matters. When you don’t comply with your fiancé’s wishes, he is willing to hurt your kids. I beg you to take some time to consider what that will mean for your daughters in the future. NTA,” this Reddit user was likewise enraged by how OP’s daughters were being maltreated.
What would you do?Whizzco