An Engagement Party Turned Into a Commotion Rather than a Celebration Due to the Father’s Drinking Problem
Setting boundaries is important to avoid disturbing your peace and maintain a healthy relationship with others. Even families are not exempted whenever you draw the line. Complying with that boundary means respecting and acknowledging your individuality. If you don’t create boundaries, others might take advantage of you, and they’ll never learn from their faults. However, some people find it difficult to understand its significance. Although you have clearly stated what line not to cross, others may think they know better. It often happens with elders in the family, which causes a rift or leads to estrangement.
The elders’ decisions are highly acknowledged in many families. And since they believe they know best, they’d take a step even without consulting the other person. Moreover, some elders would feel entitled to connect with you despite being aware of the problems and trauma they caused in your life. Those two types of elders were present during an engagement party Proud_Raspberry4525 shared on her Reddit post. It was supposed to be a night of celebration, but it became an unforgettable memory — in an embarrassing way. The party would’ve been great if it weren’t for her mother-in-law and very own father.
OP and her father don’t have a close relationship due to his drinking problems. Since he never showed any determination to change his ways, she decided to create boundaries between the two of them. They still have a relationship, and they even went to dinner after her fiance proposed to her. She only wanted a private dinner with her father in a restaurant without a liquor license, so any issue would be prevented. Proud_Raspberry4525 did everything to avoid unnecessary troubles, and her fiance supported her decision. When her mother-in-law suggested an engagement party, OP clearly instructed that her father was not invited.
“I was fine with it. I just requested that she not invite my father. I explained that we had a strained relationship and that I preferred to keep him at a distance. She agreed,” Proud_Raspberry4525 wrote.
But the mother-in-law couldn’t help but be the ‘peacemaker’ she thought she would be — OP was shocked when she saw her father at the party. “I asked her what was going on, and she said that a good daughter would want her dad there on this important day. I asked her to please make him leave. She said I was being rude. I went over to my dad and asked him to leave. He promised to behave. He was so happy to be invited,” OP added.
Although her father’s presence worried OP, the party went well initially, until he found himself some alcohol. She tried to stop him, but he kept drinking wine and started acting embarrassingly. “He started getting ‘happy.’ That doesn’t last. After dinner, there were drinks. When I heard him raise his voice, I asked my fiance to leave. I faked a stomach problem and we left,” she said. To make matters worse, the mother-in-law had the audacity to blame OP for not informing her about her father’s issue. But the other Redditors think otherwise, because if she had only listened and respected OP’s decision, nothing wrong would’ve happened at the party.
Classroom_Visual wrote, “As a child of an alcoholic, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you didn’t want your dad at the party. It says a lot about you that with strong boundaries and planning, you’ve committed to including your father in your life the best you’re able to.” It was a personal problem that Proud_Raspberry4525 wasn’t ready to share with her MIL, which should’ve been respected.
Others also pointed out that the father should’ve been adult enough to understand his limitations. He should’ve declined the invitation and allowed his daughter to have one peaceful celebration. Redditors are also calling out the fiance to discuss the issue with his mother to enlighten her. A lot of points were made, and surely you have yours, too — the comment section is still open for your opinion.
