Being a mother and a wife are two loving roles women have fulfilled for a long time. It isn’t easy to juggle those roles, especially as both need different levels of care, affection, and strength. A woman can get physically and emotionally drained from keeping the foundations of her home as strong as it can be. Although mothers present themselves as strong and unstoppable, they still need to feel cared for. Mothers should be checked on from time to time.
Children should consider their mother’s physical and mental health — ask her if she’s alright. As for a husband, unaware or not, your emotional support matters even when they don’t express their troubles. You are expected to be there just like you vowed for each other. Sometimes husbands can get emotionally drained as well, but dismissing your wife’s feelings can still be hurtful. More importantly, there shouldn’t be a comparison as to who’s more in pain. It would be best if you worked side by side — being each other’s strength and shoulder to lean on when words can’t express comfort.
One of the most painful hardships a couple might experience is the pain of losing a baby. Miscarriage is certainly a heartbreaker, especially when you have been expecting the child for months. Words fail to bring comfort, and presence can be the only source of strength someone can offer. However, Reddit user Horror-Two-6250 failed his wife once and still dared to disappoint her during the most challenging part of their relationship. OP brought his story to Reddit to seek the opinion of other Redditors, only to be slapped by the truth.
They have been married for ten years and have three children — his two eldest kids were from his first wife, and they have equal custody. OP failed his current wife when he cheated on her with another woman who was then the mother of their youngest. Regardless of who her birth mother was, the wife treated the kid like she was her own. The couple won full custody of OP’s daughter. As a result, the wife was the only mother the kid had known since then. Horror-Two-6250 even expressed how proud he is and how he’s amazed by his wife’s talent as a mother.
Despite the rough patch, the couple found new hope for their relationship when informed about the wife’s pregnancy. They were all excited except for the youngest child, which they considered a normal reaction. It’s as if she thinks she’s being replaced with a new baby and that her parents won’t give her any more attention. But before they could even feel the baby’s warmth, a miscarriage led to another hurdle in their marriage. Both mourned and struggled to return to their usual daily routine.
Amidst the wife’s grief, she heard painful words from their youngest daughter. “I’d been trying to get ready for work, while my wife got the youngest ready, and I guess we were having a rough morning because I heard my youngest tell my wife, ‘you’re not my mum, you don’t love me,’ obviously not exact wordings, it’s not the first time she’s told my wife this (we don’t even know how the youngest knows this),” OP wrote. Although it’s true and has been said before, it was still an arrow shot through his wife’s heart. She’s mourning the loss of her baby and gets rejected by the child she cherishes as her own. It was emotional turmoil one after another, yet OP justified that he has no emotional capacity to be there for her.
The wife even felt more neglected when OP failed to comfort her because he believed she could get through it again. “I explained that I had work, she’s handled it before but I’ve been left on read. I apologised, didn’t realise she was so unhappy but said at the end of the day youngest lost her sibling too and it’s been a difficult transition, we’re looking into family counselling. I did say I’d appreciate her not having eldest witness her being this upset next time as she’s still a child,” Horror-Two-6250 explained.
He kept justifying his actions, but Redditors couldn’t help but point out what was really wrong. “Downplaying your cheating, and downplaying your wife’s trauma, and blaming her for not being entirely composed after she had a late term miscarriage? Have you always been so selfish and neglectful? Your wife is so obviously struggling with a serious depressive crisis, and you’re just completely neglecting that. I’m wondering at all your other delightful behaviors. YTA,” Not-Not-A-Potato commented. OP could’ve stayed because even with his presence, the wife would still surely feel comforted.
“You need family therapy and couples therapy and you should also get personal therapy. Your whole family needs mental healthcare and you need to accept the fact that grieving the loss of a child yourself doesn’t excuse you from duties of being a parent and spouse to a grieving family,” Tekwardo wrote. Many Reddit users posted lengthy comments, as they could not take OP’s audacity to gain sympathy. The comment section is filled with support for the wife, and points are clearly conveyed. His post is still a hot topic on Reddit, and you can join the discussion if you have a lot to say to a husband who was so wrong on so many levels.Whizzco