“NTA. Let them be pissed. If ever there was a time to take a stand for your stepdaughter, it is now. Without knowing her story, or how she came to be part of your life. She’s 6 years old, and you’ve made a commitment to be in her life. The moment you make it official revolves around her as much as it does you. You absolutely have every right to honor the stepdaughter over the niece, and these first moments as stepmom are going to cause the ripple that forms the pond that is your relationship for her whole life. Trust me, if you back down now, and give her spot away, it’s going to ruin more than just your wedding.”
This is an award-winning comment to a viral post of a bride who’s now having a conflict with her brother and his wife who were pressuring her to make their “miracle daughter” the flower girl in their wedding — a role that she and her fiance have already promised to her soon-to-be stepdaughter.
Does this couple have the right to force this bride to change her mind just because they think their child is special?
This bride posted this story on Reddit’s popular r/AmItheA–hole forum with the username u/miraclebabyniece: “My (27F) older brother and SIL (both mid 30’s) just welcomed their first child a year and a half ago, after YEARS of trying. After many failed attempts, SIL was told that she wouldn’t be able to conceive due to a medical condition she has, but they finally got pregnant. Since having my niece, the baby has been the center of attention at EVERY family event we’ve had since she was born. Birthdays, weddings, family get-togethers, you name it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my niece, but it can get to be a little too much when my SIL goes on and on about how long they tried to conceive, complications they’ve had, miscarriages they’ve had, etc. Like a little TOO much info. Many family members have commented on how it’s a little bit excessive, but no one has said anything because they don’t want to sound like an AH.”
But this time, this couple has another thing in mind. Since OP’s wedding is coming up this spring, they would like their “miracle daughter” to star in the event as the flower girl.
OP continued to relate that her fiance has two kids (10M and 6F) from his previous marriage. His oldest son is one of the groomsmen, while they both agreed to the request that her fiance’s daughter be their flower girl — something she has always wanted.
And so, OP had to explain to her SIL why she couldn’t have her daughter as her flower girl. But refusing to be deterred, her SIL suggested that her future stepdaughter simply carry her daughter. OP found it disagreeable since her fiance’s kid is just 6 years old. However, her SIL was unreasonably insistent. Even though she’d already been told the reason, this mom was demanding to know from OP again just why she could not give the role of the flower girl to her daughter.
Firmly, OP said no once more, since she and her fiance have already made a promise to his daughter.
Her SIL’s next reaction? OP described it as follows: “She then started going off about how my lack of effort to incorporate my niece is disgusting to her. I should ‘honor her’ in some way since I know how long and hard they tried for my niece. Now I may sound like an AH for this, but I kind of got fed up and snapped and said, ‘Incorporate my niece how? By the time the wedding comes around, she’ll be 2 years old. The ENTIRE family already knows your story about how long and hard you guys tried for her. What more do you expect me to do to honor her?'”
Well, OP further ended up being accused of not loving her niece, which she countered since their family would still be a part of that special day, including pictures and other events. But how could she give the role of a flower girl to a child who wouldn’t even remember the experience?
Since the incident, OP’s brother and his wife have been telling family and relatives that OP has no real affection for their miracle child. Her mom didn’t wish to take sides, but later she suggested to OP to just give in to what her brother and his wife wanted and explain the situation to her fiance’s daughter, whom she believed would understand.
But OP remains undaunted in her decision, for which her fiance is grateful because his kid has been looking forward to being the flower girl in their wedding.
Who was the AH in this story?
It doesn’t take a hard guess. And the judgement was not difficult for the members of the AITA community: OP’s Not the A-hole.
As the award-winning remark above said, “You absolutely have every right to honor the stepdaughter over the niece, and these first moments as stepmom are going to cause the ripple that forms the pond that is your relationship for her whole life. Trust me, if you back down now, and give her spot away, it’s going to ruin more than just your wedding.”Whizzco