The Philippines is an archipelago with more than 7,000 islands.
A couple have set their wedding on one of these tropical islands, and another — the brother of the groom — wanted to make his own marriage proposal on another island after the wedding.
None of the joyful brothers expected that the plan would lead to a pandemonium.
To unburden his heart and conscience, the Original Poster with the username u/PeckingDuckling shared his story on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum: “My brother and my future SIL will have a destination wedding in the Philippines. And they wanted us to fly in 2 days prior to their wedding day. However, they’re not paying for any of our flights, hotel, food and etc. My girlfriend grew up in the Philippines and moved to the USA at 13 (She’s 27 now), but hasn’t visited her home country at all. She has told me she wanted to visit the country to pay respects to her late grandparents and to see the beaches again.”
Thinking things through, OP decided that his brother’s wedding in the Philippines could be like hitting two birds with one stone. Since they were travelling to the country at their own expense, it would be practical to make his own proposal to his girlfriend in the Philippines after his brother’s nuptials.
OP was given the opportunity to talk with his brother about his plan while he was dropping off some of his and his bride’s belongings. He explained the matter to him, and his brother happily approved the idea.
Unexpectedly, the revelation caused a most bitter uproar. OP wrote, “My brother was thrilled and promised to not let the beans spill. However, my future SIL overheard the conversation and screamed at me to not do that, that the trip to the Philippines was all about their wedding, and I will be a major a–hole if I propose. My brother chimed and said I won’t be an a–hole, and it’s not like I’m proposing at their wedding/reception. And might as well make use of the travel.”
However, OP’s FSIL was still furious, as she claimed that the proposal would take away the attention from her wedding.
What did the AITA community say about a crazy situation like this?
From Roadgoddess: “NTA – and please do it! It’s an amazing place and honours your gf’s heritage. Best of luck and definitely take lessons from your brother, he sounds amazing. There’s a great book I read years ago called Seven Principles to Happy Marriage by Dr. John Gottman. And one that stuck with me is that one of the behaviours that can help make a positive happy marriage is having someone who’s always willing to de-escalate the situation. And it sounds like your brother has taken on that role and it works well with your future SIL.”
From crazyunicorns6: “YWNBTA. You are paying for your travel, hotel etc. It is essentially a holiday with their event at the beginning. Do the wedding, go to the other island, enjoy your time with your partner exploring her home country, and then have a beautiful proposal. If SIL carries on, speak to your brother privately. I would be concerned she’ll say something to other people, maybe even your girlfriend, in order to gather supporters that your plan is wrong. Tell him you are concerned she is going to ruin this moment for you by saying something or making it into an issue. If she threatens your surprise proposal in any way, she will not be welcome at your wedding. Hopefully, he can talk some sense into her. She doesn’t own the wedding week, month, the Philippines, etc.”
From addictedtodesserts: “Oh I forgot the rule where if you get married you will now own the exclusive rights to that location. No one else is allowed to have a special moment there because then when she tells her wedding story someone else can be like, ‘Oh, we got engaged there too.’ The audacity! GTFO with that childish behavior. YWNBTA.”
Well, in an update, OP said that his FSIL did apologize for her behavior. But she asked him to promise that he would not make his marriage proposal during the wedding or reception. As for those commenters who were worried about his brother, OP assured them that his brother knows how to deal with his bride after living with her for 10 years. And even though she could be sort of unbearable at times, OP said that his FSIL has improved a lot over the years. In fact, she has learned how to humble herself and say sorry.
Yes, OP’s future with the love of his life seems bright. With regard to the other couple, may his brother’s patience and prudence continue to work.Whizzco