Is it favoritism or something else?
That is the question for today’s Am I The A-hole post.
AITA for selling “my daughter’s” car?
To start off the post, this Redditor claims that he likes both of his kids equally, however (yes, there’s a however in this statement, which is just bizarre to me), both of his kids are their own individuals, so obviously they would have different lives, so OP helps them “based on their needs.”
Objectively speaking, how OP handles his kids actually sounds fine, since both kids are over 20 already by the time he posted on Reddit.
OP’s son kinda struggled in academics, yet he still went to college for a semester but ultimately decided that it wasn’t for him. OP said that his son had issues sticking to things, and when the son finally settled on HVAC and eventually got certified, OP rewarded him by buying a brand-new truck as a gift.
Now for the daughter, OP wrote that she was more academically minded and got into a good college out of state.
“When she was about to finish HS, it came as a surprise to me that she had taken it for granted that I would also get her a new car even though I never said that.” Seemingly perplexed by the assumption, OP explained that he didn’t see the need for a college girl in a big city to have a car.
Side note here, but isn’t having a car in a – in OP’s words – big city, I don’t know, extremely useful?
After being let down about the whole car thing, OP’s daughter then asked if she can at least get some help with her tuition, and OP just said, “I did not pay for trade school either, so I declined.”
OP eventually relented because his daughter was understandably sad about the whole situation and offered to buy her a used car.
“She could use it for a while, until I decided to sell it, but she would have to maintain it.”
They managed to buy an old BMW for really cheap, and OP said that while the body was in good condition, the engine and transmission needed work, and it needed painting. Now, using my limited but above-average knowledge of car repairs (I also asked my brother, who loves his cars, because I needed the facts), fixing the engine and transmission alone would cost a lot. Add to that the labor cost, other parts you’d need for the repair, and the time.
“She did the essential fixes first but then slowly did unnecessary ones even though I never asked for that and repainted most of the car and had the interior detailed.”
I mean, wouldn’t you want your car to look decent and be comfortable to drive?
Although we don’t know exactly how long the daughter had the car, I guess it was only just for around 3 years, because OP mentioned that they got the car just before the pandemic. When the daughter came home to visit, OP said he decided that it was time for him to sell the car and immediately listed it.
The daughter was, again, upset about this seemingly sudden decision. OP repeated that they had a previous agreement that he was going to sell the car, but the daughter thought that OP was going to sell at a much later time, “when it rusted or something,” she said.
Also, when the daughter tried to argue that OP would be able to sell the car for a lot more because of the fixes she made, OP just replied that it’s only natural for him to sell it for more, because used cars simply cost more now.
Based solely on OP’s story, I’d say that he’s in the wrong here. The daughter is clearly still using the car, no? She went back home to visit using the same car that OP is trying to sell. Also, his reasoning on why he didn’t try to help his daughter with the tuition fee just feels wrong.
Like, I’m guessing the son didn’t ask for help on his tuition, so he didn’t think to help him with that, but his daughter was ASKING for help explicitly after she was denied a car. In my mind, the daughter was probably planning on getting her own car after that, so the money that’s supposed to go to tuition would be needed for the car, so she ended up asking for help on her tuition instead. Am I making any sense?
Reddit’s verdict: A-hole.
Here are some of my favorite comments:
- “The son gets a free new truck with no strings attached, but the daughter has to jump through hoops just to hold onto a secondhand car?”
- “I’m having difficulty seeing where in any of that OP gave her a gift at all; it sounds more like he made an investment himself and the repair and maintenance costs were how she paid to ‘rent’ it from him.”
- “He said he ‘likes them’ equally. What a guy. Father of the Year.”
- “YTA. OP is both an asshole and sexist. Throw in the blatant favoritism and you’ve got a trifecta.”
Alright, I guess that’s enough. If you’d like to read more savage comments, the original post is down below.