We’ve always been told that we should “keep things under wraps” when we’re having any kind of family trouble. Especially when it comes to marital affairs.
What happens within the family stays within the family. There are always going to be issues between married partners, and they should be able to work and talk things out, maybe even go through counseling, to help them settle their problems. That’s not always the case though.
Someday, somehow, someone’s going to snap. Especially if their child gets involved.
AITA for calling my ex a deadbeat in front of his family?
“I (41f) have a daughter, Sam (14f), with my ex-husband, Brian (44m). We divorced when she was 4.”
Right off the bat, it’s established that this couple didn’t work things out.
OP said that her ex used to be a good father to Sam but seemed to change overnight.
The ex stopped coming to their child’s school events, like parent-teacher nights and sports games, and even stopped asking for any updates about Sam’s life from OP. He basically stopped showing up for his daughter. What’s maybe even worse is that he even refused to pay child support that OP eventually stopped asking for.
“On the rare occasions he remembered to pick her up, he would try and smooth everything over by buying her expensive gifts, and it worked for a really long time, but it’s started to wear off now, and Sam is starting to see through it.”
Ah. The classic trope of buying your child’s love through expensive gifts. Has that ever worked out for anyone? Doubt it.
Sam is a very accomplished field hockey player, OP proudly mentioned. When OP and Sam got back from representing their country recently, Sam’s grandparents invited them and the rest of the family out for lunch to celebrate.
Sam’s father showed up 45 minutes late and didn’t apologize. This was nothing new for OP, but the grandparents, the ex’s parents, were surprised by their son’s behavior.
Perhaps the final nail in the coffin was when Sam’s father belittled her hockey performance.
“Brian interjected and belittled her performance because she ‘only’ scored 1 goal. Sam burst into tears and ran to the bathroom. I comforted her, and she asked if we could go home. I agreed and told her to wait in the car while I got our stuff.”
OP saw that her ex was trying to defend himself against his parents when she went back to their table. OP snapped and told her ex that he was a deadbeat and aired out all her grievances and told her ex that she wouldn’t be surprised if Sam “cuts him loose” one day.
Was that harsh? Given what he’s done (or lack thereof), I don’t think so.
“He threw a tantrum and stormed out. I apologized and left money for half the check with his parents.”
Since we know what’s going on with OP and her daughter’s life, the outburst might seem reasonable, but it’s clear that the grandparents had no clue. Since that unfortunate lunch, OP has received a lot of messages from her ex and his parents saying that they didn’t appreciate the scene that she caused in the restaurant. This is why OP posted in the AITA subreddit.
As another Redditor commented, “You shouldn’t have made a scene in the restaurant BECAUSE HE SHOULDN’T HAVE CREATED THE SITUATION. So much NTA.”
Agreed. Also, isn’t paying for child support legally required? The ex used to buy his daughter expensive gifts, so paying child support shouldn’t be an issue for him, no?
The official verdict is NTA. As it should be.
Read the original post below.